Ang Kwintas, ang Snickers at Si Patrick. (Part 24)

Salamat sa mga patuloy na sumusubaybay ng series na ginawa ko. Ganun din sa mga silent readers na nagbabasa rin ng series ko. Nawa'y kung merong mga GRAMMAR FLAWS kayo na makikita especially this EPISODE, ipagpaumanhin ninyo na lang kasi first time ko lang magsulat.

Salamat din sa mga:

Kaibigan ko, kaklase ko sa block section ng MBA sa PLM, mga ka-officemate ko na habang tina-type ko ito ay binabasa ng patago ang nobela ko, sa bestfriends ko at mga barkada ko, at higit sa lahat, kay Patrick na siyang naging dahilan para makapagsulat ako ng ganito. (Sino siya?! Well... Secret!! Hehehehe..)

Siyempre, sa mga avid readers na palaging nagko-comment ng nobela ko:

Sina Dada, jac, mArk, mcfrancis, j.v, -Ram, Ronn, BourbonConan, Nujum, LightRundle, Erion, boy jazz, coffee prince( number one fan ng novel ko..) Kuya Nitro, mga anonymous readers (mga mentor ko pagdating sa grammar and spelling) Ross ram, salamander, jeh, Aqua16, Sen Janus(Don't worry, i will post some of my missing parts of my story ASAP, but not now..) dark_ken(fan ako ng novel niya..) jasper.escamillan(nag-iwan pa ng number sa akin, don't worry, I'll text u if I have some spare time Hahaha!!) Ernes_aka_jun, Magno, Jay aka Jcoi, chris018, jayfinap(in-add ako sa account niya at isa sa mga idol ko pagdating sa series) zenki, ogie8906, at si JhayCie. Guys.. Sana nagustuhan ninyo ang story ko!!!

ATTENTION READERS!!:
Guys, eto yung part ng series ko na pinaka-importante at pinakamahalaga sa buhay ko, bale, tatlo ito. Ito yung pangatlo at huling episode na pinakamalungkot na dumaan sa buhay ko. Hinding-hindi ko ito makakalimutan dahil dito ako umiyak habang ginagawa ko itong part ng series ko. Mahirap sa umpisa pero, unti-unti ko namang nakakayanan dahil nandiyan sa aking tabi ang Patrick ng buhay ko. Well anyways my Patrick, advance happy 23rd Birthday sa'yo.. I Love You!! And for Cheney.. Kahit kailan, hinding-hindi kita makakalimutan, as long as I have my memories of you, it will always be the same, forever!! I love you too, my Cakie!!!

ANY COMMENTS, OPINIONS AND VIOLENT REACTIONS ARE AFFABLY WELCOME!!!

(This story is based on my real life. I changed the names of those persons involved including myself to keep our characters confidential and personal.)

Any commonality to any individual, place, or written works are absolutely COINCIDENTAL.

DISCLAIMER: The author withholds all his prerogatives to the work, and requests that in any use of this material that his rights are purely respected. No part of this story maybe reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means: replicating, copying, duplicating or otherwise, without the prior consent or permission of the author himself.

To visit my accounts, just get me in track here, AyT?!:

Blog: http://pinnohy.blogspot.?com/

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TWITTER: @pINNOHy (just follow me and I'll follow you back!!)
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Part 24

Huling araw sa buhay namin na makakasama si Cheney. Malungkot. Dama ko sa puso ni mommy na nag-aalala siya sa akin. Pumunta siya sa kusina na nagtimpla ng juice at pagkatapos ay ibinigay niya sa akin. Tinanong niya ako kung handa ko bang harapin si Cheney sa huling pagkakataon.

"Mom. The hurt's still in my heart. Masakit pero I need to face her. Siguro ito talaga ang kailangan for me to accept the reality of her death."

Iniwan niya muna akong pansalamantala. Pumunta siya sa kwarto ko at kinuha ang pantalon ko na sinuot ko pa noong namatay si Cheney. Me nakita siya sa loob ng pantalon na ikinagulat ko nang ipinakita niya yun sa akin. Ang snickers. Snickers chocolate bar na favorite naming tatlo ni Patrick at Cheney na kapag nalulungkot ang bawat isa sa amin ay kaagad naming pinagsasaluhan. Kinuha ko agad yun.

"Mom, I will not eat this. Ibinigay ni Cheney ito sa akin bago siya mamatay. Wala akong pakialam kung malusaw ito sa mga kamay ko o putaktihin ng mga langgam. Basta, itatabi ko ito dahil ito lang ang tanging alaala na binigay sa akin ni Cheney bago siya mamatay."

Hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi. Mukhang naramdaman ko sa kanya ang pag-alala. Kinuha ko siya at niyakap. Isang yakap na mahigpit, na kahit masakit ang nararamdaman ko sa puntong yun, nandun din ang pag-asang mawawala rin yun lahat.

Makalipas ang ilang oras, dumating si Lei kasama si Nikol at Jayson, sabay na daw kaming pumunta sa huling burol ni Cheney. Agad akong naligo at nagbihis, kinuha ang ibinigay sa akin ni Father para basahin mamaya sa necrology, at pagkatapos niyaya silang umalis at pumunta na sa kinaroroonan ng mga labi ng cakie ko.

Maraming tao. Iba-iba ang mga nasa loob ng mini-chapel ng St. Joseph kung nasaan nakaburol si Cheney. Nasa unahan siya kaya hindi gaanong tanaw mula sa labasan ang kanyang mga labi. Bigla kong pinigilan sina Lei at Jayson. May naramdaman akong kaba. Bumibilis ito habang naglalakad kami papuntang loob. Napaupo ako sa labas ng pintuan ng chapel at hinayaang pinapasok ang dalawa sa loob. Naramdaman ko ang lungkot sa loob ng burol ni Cheney. Maraming bulaklak na nakahilera mula loob palabas na siguro galing sa mga nagmamahal at nakikiramay na mga kaibigan ng mga magulang niya at ng mga kaklase niya, siyempre, kasama na rin pati kaming mga kaibigan niya.

Bigla akong niyaya ni Lei na pumasok na sa loob. Biglang bumalik ang kaba sa dibdib ko. Hindi ko mawari ang kaba na baka hindi ko makayanang makita ang mga labi ng minahal ko. Bahala na!! Siguro, ito na talaga ang tamang oras para magpaalam at sariwain ang masasayang alaala sa kanya. Sinubukan kong maglakad papuntang loob.

Habang naglalakad, maraming nakatingin sa akin. Hindi ko sila kilala, pero may pakiramdam akong kilala nila ako dahil sa relasyon ko kay Cheney noong nabubuhay pa siya. Agad na hinawakan ako ni Lei sa kamay sabay sabing "Kaya mo yan!!".

Maliwanag ang ilaw sa kabaong ni Cheney. Kulay lavender ito na metal style. Pasemi-circle ang kurba ng salamin niya sa harapan. Nakita ko rin ang malaking portrait style na larawan niya na nakatayo sa uluhan ng kanyang kabaong. Maganda siya. Nakangiti na animo'y nakatingin sa akin na walang problema sa kabila ng kamatayan nito. Naka semi-gown siya na naka-shoulder cut na kulay pink at kita ang mapuputing mga balikat nito. Nasa harapan na niya ako. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga nakikita ko. Totoo ba ito? Nananaginip lang ba ako? Sana magising na ako, kung nananaginip lang ako!!

Sinamahan akong pumunta sa harap ng walang buhay na si Cheney. Sa wakas, nakita ko na siya. Medyo mas umangat ang kaputian nito na mas maputi pa kay Lei. Para siyang natutulog. Maganda ang mukha niya, ang mga mahahabang pilik mata, ang kanyang matangos na ilong, at higit sa lahat, ang labi niya na mapula na hindi nagbago sa kabila ng pagpanaw nito. Suot ang gown na ginamit niya noong JS Prom. May tiara siya sa ulo na akala mo'y parang prinsesa. Mula sa kabaong niya, kitang-kita ang buo niyang kaanyuan.

Napansin ko rin ang mga daliri nito na nagkukulay ube na dahil na rin sa tatlong araw na nakaburol. May suot siyang singsing. Nang kinilatis ko ito ay may bigla akong naalala. Yun ang singsing na binigay ko sa kanya kasama si Patrick noong bata pa kami. Napapikit ako. Lumayo akong bahagya sa kabaong ng cakie ko. Pinipilit kong gisingin ang sarili ko sa bangungot na nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Unti-unting lumalabas ang mga luha ko. Sinara ko ang aking mga kamay na tipong parang may hahamunin ng away. Ang luha ko na unti-unting pumapatak sa ibaba ay biglang bumuhos ng maramihan na tulad ng ulan. Biglang lumapit sa akin ang tita ni Cheney na mommy ni Patrick kasama si Lei. Pinaupo nila ako sa harapan mismo ng mga labi ng babaeng minsan ay naging parte ng buhay ko na nagpatuloy sa pagmamahal ko kay Patrick. Kumuha ng isang mineral water ang mommy ni Patrick at binigay sa akin.

"Jacob, It's fine!! Everything has a purpose!! No one knows, but I think there is something good behind everything. Sweetie, kaya mo yan!!"

Si Tita Susan. Mommy ni Patrick. Kinuha niya ang aking ulo at sinandal sa dibdib niya. Iyak pa rin ako ng iyak. Wala akong pakialam kung pagtinginan ako ng mga tao sa loob. Nagluluksa ako kaya kailangan kong ilabas ang lahat. Kasama ko si Lei sa tabi ko. Hinihimas niya ang likod ko habang tumatangis ako sa mommy ni Patrick. Siguro, limang minuto akong umiyak hanggang sa nahinto ako nang bigyan ako ni Lei ng snickers na favorite din namin sabay kinain.

Umalis si Lei para puntahan si Father Michael sa simbahan ng Tondo. Malayo yun mula dito, kasi nandito pa sa QC yung burol niya. Kinausap ko si Tita Susan tungkol kay Patrick.

"You know what, iho, Cheney has always told me about you. Kahit lumipat na ako sa Dubai. Oh, well, Wala na kami ng asawa ko, actually, hindi ko naman siya talaga asawa, maybe ka-leave in, tama, that's a right word! Nakasama na ng tatay ni Patrick yung one true love niya na nakita siya sa Dubai. I hope he's doing good with him."

Nagtaka ako kung bakit "him" ang sinabi ni Tita Susan. Kung sabagay, sinabi niya sa akin noong bata pa ako na Bisexual din pala ang daddy ni Patrick, tulad din niya.

"Tita, how's Patrick anyway? Actually last Christmas, he gave me a Christmas Card together with his message to me. That's the first time he has gave me something like that. He told me that he was here and he was studying somewhere here in Manila. Actually, he just set me a date to meet him in person but, when I was got into the meeting place, he wasn't there! Well, I was waiting for almost an hour to see him. He disappointed me that time. Buti na lang, Cheney was there and Lei, sinamahan nila ako in the midst of everything. Bakit ganun siya?"

Hindi siya sumagot. Kung sasagot siya, kulang sa impormasyon. Me nangyari bang masama kay Patrick? Bakit hindi niya ako pinuntahan? Bakit pinagmukha niya akong tanga noong hinahanap ko siya?

"Well iho, Patrick is here. Tama siya, he has told me about everything that he wrote from your Christmas Card. He wasn't able to show to you because he wasn't prepared yet. Maybe sooner or later when the right thing comes, he'll do it. Ayaw ka niyang masaktan even at this point. By the way, nandito siya kahapon! Hinahanap ka niya kaso, wala ka!"

"Sayang naman po. Alam po ba ninyo, I love him, much as Cheney herself. Minsan nga po, nagseselos na siya sa akin, pero pinapangiti ko naman siya. Tanggap ni Cheney na pangalawa lang siya sa puso ko pero hindi ako nagkulang na mahalin siya na pinagkait sa akin ni Patrick noon."

"I know sweetie, I know!! Despite of that, Patrick also loves you. In fact, while we're in States, lagi ka niyang iniisip. Gusto ka niyang makita. Lagi siyang may tantrums noon. Ayaw niyang kumain. Gusto ka niyang makita o mahawakan man lang. Minsan sa sobrang pag-alala, hindi na namin alam ng lola niya kung ano ang gagawin! Nagtangka pa nga siya magpakamatay eh, buti na lang at napigilan namin siya, nasugatan pa nga niya ang wrist niya na eventually naging peklat na. Doon din nag-umpisa ang paglalabo ng mga mata niya. Lagi kasi siyang umiiyak especially noong nasa states pa kami, actually, nakasalamin na siya ngayon. Pero sweetie, I promise you, mas gumuwapo siya ngayon!! I swear that to you! Kamukha niya yung daddy niya kung tutuusin eh!!"

Sa kalagitnaan ng usapan namin ng mommy ni Patrick, biglang dumating si Lei, kasama niya si Father Michael. Mukhang wala pang isang oras nang umalis si Lei. Nagkita daw sila sa may UST at dun na raw niya sinundo ang pari. Kinamusta niya ako at niyakap. Ganun din ang ginawa niya kay Tita Susan. Bineso niya ito at nakiramay pagkatapos. Tinignan niya muna ang mga bangkay ni Cheney sa kabaong bago siya tumabi sa amin.

"Father Michael, it's been a long time since Patrick was a child. Kamusta na kayo?!"

"Well, Susan, I'm doing good!! Ang bilis ng panahon ano, Cheney and Jacob are now growing up! I supposed Patrick too!! Malungkot lang kasi maagang kinuha sa atin ni God si Cheney sa atin."

"Opo Father, na-miss ko tuloy yung anak ko!! Nakaka-miss din yung mga bata na ngayon ay mga binatilyo na't dalagita!! Malungkot lang talaga ang sinapit ng pamangkin ko!!"

Bigla akong kinalabit ni Lei. Nandun na daw ang mga barkada kasama ng mga kaklase ni Cheney, kaya't tumayo ako at nagpaalam muna kay father at Tita Susan.

Sa labas, nakita ko sina Joseph, Jayson, Nikol, Hiro at Shaine. Kasama rin ang mga barkada ni Shaine at mga teacher nito. Siyempre nandun din si Ma'am Pelaez at Ma'am Ortega. Nagulat din ako nung nalaman ko na nandun sina Gelo at Michael. Agad akong pinuntahan ng dalawa.

"Jacob, Condolence!! I know, Hindi mo pa kami napapatawad, pero hindi na importante yun. Nandito kami for Cheney." sabi ni Michael habang nakayuko si Gelo sa akin.

"Ang drama ninyo!! Punta nga kayo sa harapan ko!!"

Inakap ko silang dalawa. Matagal ko na silang napatawad. Well, dahil na rin sa natanggap ko na ang sexual orientation ko kaya ko nagawang patawarin sila. Sa una, ayaw ko ng bakla. Nasaktan kasi ako nun kay Patrick kaya sinumpa ko na rin na magmahal ng tulad niya.

Maraming kinuwento sa akin si Gelo. Sila pa rin hanggang ngayon ni Michael. Nung nahuli ko sila ay may relasyon na pala sila at one month na pala sila noon. Syempre, tinago ko ang relasyon namin ni Lei at ayaw kong sabihin yun kahit kanino, kahit sa kanila.

Iniwan ko muna silang saglit. Pumunta ako sa grupo nina Shaine na kabarkada ni Cheney at kinamusta ako. Sayang daw siya dahil kung nabubuhay pa raw ito, malamang naging artista siya at mas aangat pa kaysa kay Shaine. Siyempre, hindi rin nila nakalimutan kung ano ang pangalan ng baby bro ko dahil crush daw nilang lahat siya bukod sa akin. Dumating si Lei sa kalagitnaan ng pag-uusap. Mas kinilig sila nang nakita ang baby bro ko. Sa sobrang kilig ay may nagnakaw pa ng halik sa kanya na kaagad namang kinamula ng pisngi ng baby bro ko.

Sa isang sulok, nakita ko rin ang mommy ko. Kaagad akong pumunta sa kanila at niyakap. Buti na lang daw at nagiging masaya ako sa kabila ng kalungkutan ko sa pagkawala ni Cheney. May dala silang bulaklak para kay Cheney at ibinigay ko naman yun sa harap ng kabaong niya.

Sa loob, nakita ko pa rin ang mommy ni Patrick kasama si Father. Nag-uusap pa rin sila. Nakita ko rin na dumating na rin pala ang mommy ni Cheney at kaagad ko siyang niyakap. Sinabi niya rin sa akin na 30 minutes from now, kailangan na magsimula ang necrological service ni Cheney.

Necrological Service ni Cheney. Saktong 10:25pm, pareho sa oras kung kailan namatay si Cheney, nagsimula ang misa. Magkasama kami ni Lei at ng barkada sa kaliwang harapan samantalang nasa kabila naman sina mommy ko, mommy ni Cheney at mommy ni Patrick. Kasama din nila ang mga kamag-anak ni Cheney at mga kaibigan niya. Sa parte ko naman, kaming lahat ng buong LDHS kasama ang mga barkada at kaklase ko at ni Cheney. Si Father Michael ang nag-lead sa amin.

"My fellow brothers and sisters, we are here not to lament Cheney's lost. In fact we're here to celebrate her triumphant journey to heaven. I know, the reason why she leaves us because she want us to be reunited as one. God so love her, that even for her darkest hour of her life, he's there to lean on, until that right time had came by, God took Cheney away from us and lead her in a better place and she became his flower to heaven's garden. You know what, my dear brethren, in a certain book that I read, there is someone, like Mr. Litton who conveyed a beautiful thoughts about grieving. For him, we are born for a higher destiny than that of earth; there is a realm where the rainbow never fades, where the stars will be spread before us like islands that slumber on the ocean, and where the beings that pass before us like shadows will stay in our presence forever. I supposed, these words may sounds foreign from both of us today, but if we hold on to this one thought, it will help us to stand strong to face tomorrow, considering the fact of loosing Cheney's presence to us. We need to hold on to our faith! Even though it's hard for us to determine God's plan for us, let's just see the brighter side of it, that in the midst of uncertainty, God will be there to lean us. Time will heal our wounds, but the presence of his love will scatter deeply in our life as time goes by."

"When Prophet Job was tested by god to his faith on him, there was the time Job looses everything! His farm, his wealth, his friends and even his family, but there was one thing Job didn't ever forsake, despite of all, and that's the steadfast love to god, that is immeasurable by wealth and even material things in this world. We need to stand like Job. We have to deal life like Job. All of things in this world has a reason, but then again, we should find these reasons in our hearts and set this out as an inspiration to keep us alive. Cheney is now in the arms of our Lord, let us allow her to spread her wings to embrace God's glory and when the right time comes, she will lead us to be with God also and together be rested to his eternal garden. Let us all rise, in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit, Amen!"

Natapos ang sermon ni Father ng tatlong minuto. Napakabilis kung iisipin pero tagos hanggang buto ang pangaral niya tungkol sa buhay kung papano harapin si Cheney na wala na siya. Sayang! Kung nabubuhay pa siya, siguro mas magiging makabuluhan ang pagsasama namin. Baka siguro naging asawa ko na siya, na may mga anak na kami at namumuhay ng sama-sama sa iisang bubong.

Napaiyak si Lei sa aral ni father. Kinuha ko ang panyo sa bulsa ko at binigay sa kanya. Sa kanyang pagdadalamhati, sana, nakikita lahat ito ni Cheney, sana lagi niya kaming bantayan, at sana, makapiling namin siya ulit sa kabilang buhay.

Natapos ang misa ng isang oras. Halos nabasbasan na lahat, ang kulang na lang ang katawan ni Cheney. Sa puntong iyon, kinuha ko ang maliit na papel. Gusto ko sanang buksan yun pero baka multuhin ako ni Cheney kaya mamaya ko na lang ito babasahin. Nakasulat ang lahat ng gustong ihabilin sa akin, kay Lei, sa parents niya, at higit sa lahat, sa mga kaibigan niya. Medyo makapal ito kaya kailanganin kong maghanda.

Natapos ang misa ng binasbasan ni Father ang mga labi ni Cheney. Sinabihan kami ng mommy ni Cheney na maghanda ng sasabihin para sa eulogy ni Cheney. Kasama si Lei dun. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero siguro, naging mas close sila ni Cheney kaysa sa mga barkada at mga kaibigan niya kaya may karapatan siya para magsalita sa harapan. Nagsimula ang commemoration sa isang dasal. Isang kanta ni Cookie Chua na "Paglisan" ang kinanta. Medyo napaluha ako sa message ng kanta niya, tumatama ang lyrics sa puso ko. Habang pinapatugtog ay napagdesisyunan namin ni Lei na pumunta sa harapan at maghanda. Pagkatapos ng dasal ay pinlay ang video niya noong bata pa, hanggang sa na-confine siya sa hospital. Pinakita din ang mga picture niya simula pagkabata hanggang sa mga huling sandali ng buhay niya. Syempre, kasama kami nina Patrick at Lei.

Inumpisahan ang eulogy ni father. Inabot ng 3 minutes ang speech. Sumunod ang mommy ni Cheney. Ayaw magsalita ng daddy niya dahil may sakit sa puso ito at baka mag-collapse sa intense na emotion na ilalabas niya. Pagkatapos ay ako. Agad ko munang binasa ang sulat niya.

"My fellow people, I'm Jacob, the one who used to love by Cheney. I learned to love her since we were just a kid. From a simple puppy love, our affection to each other lasted until today. We have shared a lot of memories. By the way, before I proceed to my speech, my GF has done her last note which I don't have any idea what's inside. I'm reading this on the spot to all of you."

Binuksan ko ang papel. Bigla akong kinabahan. Ano kaya ang laman ng lahat?

"February 7, 2005

My dear Cakie.

First of all, I would like to thank you for giving me such love that I ever treasure in my life. I think at this point, you're reading this already while I'm on my wake. Sadly but I need to leave you. I didn't mean it, but I guess, this is the best thing for us to be free in spite of everything we had in life. I might just be self-centered in any way, but that's all I want to you. I want to set you free. I want you to feel the presence of the person you have love. I absolutely accept the fact that I'm not your true love, but I can say, I fulfill everything that your first love didn't done to you.

The reason why I'm about to write for you is that, I love you. I love you not because you love Patrick. I love you not because I have spend my everything in life for you. Maybe I’m crazy,or just a little confused, but I just have one thing I am certain of and that is I love a man who treated his woman a masterpiece in his life and I seen it in you!! If we are already seperated physically, mentally and spiritually right now, it doesn't mean we're just about rivers and oceans miles away. For all I know, the time will come, you'll forget me, as what the time does. Life seems to be full of trials, pain, sorrow and despair. Much of which we have both have gone through together. We have fought everything against all odds.
If we were to look at each other in the eye, I know that both of us, would walk in one shoes.

I was lived to dream that for someday, we will build a foundation. To step up our relationship into the next level by marrying you, to bear a wonderful children that will carry us through thick and thin, and lastly, to be your beautiful, caring and loving wife who will support you physically and spiritually. Indeed, I know, this dream will always be a dream for us and it will really never happen.

You know my life wouldn't be last forever. In gods time, I know, you will find a true love with another. If you still enflaming Patrick in your heart, well, just keep on it!! I wonder why you love Patrick, much as what I used to. I may not be the best girlfriend, nor the best partner, but I am rest assured, in my life, you are my one true bestfriend.

In time, you will realize why I opted to die rather to live with you. I'm setting you free now!! Even the hurts still in my heart, for me, you will always be the best gift God has given to me. I couldn't ask for more, but to say Goodbye for now, my cakie!!!

For Patrick, I know you are there. Deep inside in my heart, you will always be my one true companion. Even you're too miles away from me, yet my relationship to you as my friend, beyond that, will never perish as time flies by. I know in time, my cakie will understand soon why you opted to hide everything. Time after time, I missed you. I am longing for your presence. Whenever Jacob still in hurt of what you have done for him, yet I know, you still love him a lot. I will now allow you to love him again. Please, I just have one important thing I wish you will do to him that you will never hurt him like what you used to since the last time you've had flew far from here. Please, you should treasure Jacob much as I treasure him in my life. I'm giving you my blessings to love him, to live with him and to give him a lot of memories no one can take those away from you. I'll missed you and I hope I will see you soon!!

To my parents, mom and dad, thank you for being my parents. I am indeed grateful because in my life, I have a parents who loves me not because of my relation for them as their daughter, but as their precious gift has been given by god for them. Sorry for anything bad that I have made for both of you. Sorry if I wouldn't able to become a good daughter for both of you that sometimes, for those days you're nagging at me to death because of my stubbornness. Sorry for sometimes I am truly a PASAWAY from both of you, and sorry because, I just tended to leave you behind. Everything in this world has a purpose, let's just consider it as a one good blessing that in everything we do, we should have to glance back to the one who creates us. Mom and Dad, thanks for being my strength. Also with Jacob and Patrick. You all wipe up my tears when you see me crying and suffering from my disease. I know, this wouldn't be my last goodbye. I'm going to see you here after life, like what I said to Jacob, I don't wanna hear any cries, any laments, just only laughters, only chuckles. Let's celebrate life, as I destined to walk through my journey to the hands of our lord, forever.

To my friends, colleages, my classmates who are too numerous to name, thank you!! Those memories that I have in you will never weaken as time flies by. Thank you for your carefree laughters, for your jologs and corny jokes, for asaran, kulitan, harutan and everything that I have done initially for us. You all change the way of my life by giving me such joy and wisdom, no one can take those away from me. Y'all also had taught me how to know more about myself. Through all the tears I shed, through all the foundations that fortress my life.. My life will never be the same without all of you. For now, goodbye!!

As of now, I don't know what to say. I don't wanna cry at this point. But still, this time while y'all already reading this, I hope, you will find me rest in peace. Again, goodbye is not forever, for the time will come we will see each other again, not at this time, but maybe in future. If I would live my life again, I will choose to be with you all. Those memories I have in you will always stays in my heart forever! Mahal ko kayong lahat!!

Cheney Gail F. Vargas. "

Tiniklop ko ang papel pagkatapos. Hindi ko alam sa puntong yun kung ano ang sasabihin sa nabasa ko. First time ko lang nabasa ang papel na ibinigay sa akin ni Father kaya, bigla akong nabigla sa lahat.

Agad akong tumingin sa harapan. Ang daming tao. Iba-iba sila. May mga kaibigan na umiiyak, mga kaklase na nagyayakapan, mga kakilala na hindi pa tanggap ang nangyari sa kasama nila at ang mga relatives niya na sinusubukang maging matatag pero sa huli'y umiyak din naman. Agad kong sinimulan ang pagsasalita sa harapan nila.

" As of now, everyone, I don't know what to say. There is something in my self I couldn't describe to all of you. This feeling of mine is beyond of any description! I can't withstand this emotion! I couldn't internalize anything! Cheney wants me to be strong, to be vigor, but how? What's the use of future if I could only face it all by my self?

Well Cheney, I hope time will come I will learn to let you away in my life. I used to bring back those roll in the mill situation I have in you in my life. If that's the case you would leave us just because you want to have peace in your life, so be it! Even the hurts still kills my heart up to my noggins, well there is always a room for acceptance. I will accept everything you have said to me after I read your last goodbyes to us. I know, you are not selfish, an egoist, a muddle-hearted person,but the way you used to leave us is something we can't still accepted. Please teach us how to be like you. Teach my heart to face the reality of tomorrow without you! If you said to me that when you died, I would never cry nor lament, well nagkakakamali ka!! I would never be the same like what you used to asked me. I would never be the same as what you intend to request! Masakit Cakie eh!! Masakit!!

Well, my fellow people, Cheney is my first woman to love, also with my mom. She is just an ordinary woman but with extra-ordinary heart, a one of a kind person. She really get used to compromise everything whenever she saw me crying. She doesn't want me to be weaken. Se doesn't want me to stand with those shadows of loneliness of longing for Patrick. She doesn't want me to be hurt with anything that is hurtful for me. For that, cakie I adore you!!

After this, cakie I know, I will never see you nor touch you. I will never behold your stunning physiques. I will missed your beautiful brown eyes. I will never perceive your gorgeous smile again. I will never hug you nor kiss you like what I used to, and mostly, I will never see you anymore!

You have love everything in my life. You have love even my one true love, Patrick. You have love my family, my friends and even my one bestfriend and my one and only Baby brother, Lei. For that, I will always love you for as what you have love most for them.

Like what you said for us, goodbyes are not forever. In fact we will be able to see you after life, and that's for sure!! If our affection couldn't last as of now, maybe in next life I will find you to love me again. I will now letting you rest in peace my cakie, in spite of hurt that still in my heart, I think this would be the best thing I will do for you. Goodbyes are not forever my cakie!! I love you!!"

Umiyak ang lahat sa sinabi ko sa eulogy ng aking cakie. Masakit sa totoo, pero kailangan ko siyang tanggapin. Tinanggap niya na hindi ko siya unang minahal, kaya kailangan ko siyang tanggapin bilang kabayaran. Cheney, kung nasaan ka man ngayon, lagi kang nasa puso ko, kahit kailan.

Natapos ang eulogy nang nagsalita si Lei. Masakit para sa kanya dahil parang mas naging mag-close ang dalawa bago siya mamatay. Umiyak siya habang nagsasalita, hanggang sa humagulgol at hindi na kaya pang magsalita. Bigla akong pumunta sa harapan ni Cheney para alalayan siya. Nakita ko sa mga mata niya ang sakit na nadarama sa pagkawala ng isang kaibigan. Nang mahimasmasan ay kaagad niyang tinuloy ang naudlot na pagsasalita sa harapan pero sa puntong yun, hindi na siya umiyak.

Pagkatapos ng eulogy tinapos ni father ang program sa isang parable sa bibliya. Kailangan nating mahalin ang isa't-isa, hindi natin alam kung hanggang kailan tayo mabubuhay dito. Ang importante ay ang alaala ng nakalipas na ibinigay sa atin ng ating mahal sa buhay na manghahawak sa atin sa kung ano at sino tayo. Pagkatapos daw ng lahat, sa bandang huli, magkikita kita rin tayo sa itaas.

Ipinatugtog ang "IM MISSING YOU" ni Meja. Yun ang pinatugtog niya sa akin noon. Muling nananariwa sa akin ang lahat ng emosyon, ang sakit, ang hilahil ng kanyang pagkawala, at higit sa lahat, ang pangugulila sa kanya. Biglang pumatak sa akin ang mga luha. Napapikit ako. Pilit kong inaalis ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon pero ayaw talaga, hanggang sa patak ng luha ko ay nagdire-diretso at naging ilog na dumadaloy sa mga pisngi ko.

"♪♪♪ I miss your love, since you've been gone
I find it hard to go on
The summer sky don't mean a thing
I thought I'd always be strong
I got a feeling inside
and it's making my heart cry, cause

I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you

So here I am, and everything's new
I should be happy in love
but all I know, I look deep in my eyes
I've never felt so alone
and this feeling inside
it's making my heart cry, cause

I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you

So what's the meaning of this
to be living like this
it ain't no fun at all
I wonder where are you now
(I wonder where are you now)

I miss your love since you been gone
I find it hard to go on
and this feeling inside
I just break down and cry.

I'm missing you
and it's making me blue, yeah
I'm missing you
but what can I do
Thousand miles away, from you.♪♪♪."

Itutuloy....

I LOVE YOU.. CAKIE (1988-2005)